Friday, May 27, 2011

The Revolving Door

I'm still playing catch up here! Sorry about that! I used to think that people were exaggerating how tiring, needy, and time consuming newborns are, I have since learned that they were actually holding back.  I've never been so tired in my life. I've never worn my hair in a ponytail for 6 months before, either!

Sorry, the point of this post isn't for me to rehash how rough having a baby is, but to catch up on my Squish! So we got him home from the hospital and had about 4 days before we had to take him back. He had a GI virus. He spent 2 nights and was home again.

About 3 weeks later, he developed a truly nasty UTI and was in the hospital for 5 days. I lost all composure at that point. It was a deep, dark hole thinking that this was going to be our lives. In and out of the hospital, back and forth to the doctor, watching Kemper be poked, be sick, be sad. I had to be peeled off the floor of the hospital bathroom, sobbing so hard I was unable to see or speak. Brett was beside himself, the doctor and nurses were concerned, and I realized I couldn't cope with everything he was going through on my own.He got out of the hospital, I started counseling. Things started to get back to normal. He started to thrive and it was awesome to watch.

Don't get me wrong, we've had a few ER trips, a few big scares, some tears and some anger, but overall, we're all doing well. I took Kemper to visit my sister's family and while we were there, his shunt site started to swell. He started to vomit a lot. I took him to Duke and he had to have a shunt revision over Easter weekend. But, we made it home on Easter and he even felt well enough to sit up for pictures.

This kid has been in the hospital or at a follow up appointment at Duke for every holiday since he was born in November. He was even in the hospital for the Super Bowl! It's Memorial Day weekend now, and I'm hoping he'll break that streak. Fingers crossed everyone!

That tough baby is growing, learning, hitting milestones and somehow making my heart grow with him. I've never been so full of joy. My husband and I are both in awe of this little child and the way we feel about him.When I walked into the kitchen and came back and he was across the living room floor from where I put him, I jumped up and down. He giggled at me. When he pulled his paci out of his mouth and passed it between his hands before dropping it and shrieking with glee, I clapped. When he started trying to push his body to crawling position, I was dumbfounded and rubbed my eyes. He looked back at me grinning and tried again as if to say, "Yeah, Mom, I'm doing this... get ready to be amazed."

Without our friends and families, this would be nearly impossible. Our families have supported us, despite any disagreements, hiccups, or hurt feelings, at the end of the day, we are there for each other. We have felt the kindness of strangers, the compassion of acquaintances, the love of our friends and we're so thankful. We've also felt the grace of God, whatever you envision him to be. We believe we are being watched over.

While we know that this is not the last trip to the ER and probably not his last surgery, we feel more prepared to get through them. We know that the doors to the hospital work both ways and when you go in, you still get to come out.